Is selfishness the key to happiness? Kerry Docherty, co-founder of the family-owned clothing and lifestyle brand Faherty, explores the answer in her new memoir, Selfish: Unlearning, Reclaiming, and Telling the Truth.
With radical honesty, Docherty takes readers inside her journey to becoming the woman, business partner, wife, and mother she is today. She shares how, as a new mother, she sacrificed her career and worked tirelessly to make her husband’s vision for Faherty a reality. The grind causes Docherty to feel lost, drained, and uninspired — until “selfish” acts enable her to ignite the passions that fuel her individuality.
In this episode of the Motherly Podcast, Docherty sits down with Liz Tenety for a candid chat about gender expectations, putting yourself first, and why saying “no” is a woman’s ultimate form of resistance.
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Kerry Docherty is the co-founder of the surf-inspired clothing and lifestyle brand Faherty, which she launched in 2013 alongside her college boyfriend (now husband) and his twin brother. As the brand’s Chief Impact Officer, Docherty leads Faherty in its mission to create positive social and environmental change. Her initiatives, which include a re-sale site and partnerships with Native artists, have enabled Faherty to earn B Corp Certification. Docherty is also the author of a children’s book, Somewhere, Right Now, and a memoir, Selfish: Unlearning, Reclaiming, and Telling the Truth. A mother of two, Docherty holds a B.A. in Psychology from Yale University and a J.D. from Pepperdine Caruso School of Law.
Liz Tenety: You started Faherty with your college boyfriend (who’s now your husband) and his brother. What do people not realize about starting and growing a business with family?
Kerry Docherty: I always joke that working with your husband can make or break the marriage. I think in the beginning, there was no separation between who we were from a wife-and-husband perspective and who we were as business partners. I still have to say, “Are you talking to me right now as my husband or are you talking to me right now as my business partner?” Because those lines are very enmeshed.
Liz Tenety: How did you decide on the title of your memoir?
Kerry Docherty: Selfish is such an activating word. I think women in particular are activated because we have been groomed and trained to put others first, to ensure other people’s needs are attended to before our own. A man can work at building a company and make a lot of sacrifices in his home life and relinquish his domestic duties, and he’s seen as ambitious.
Liz Tenety: Can you share a brief overview?
Kerry Docherty: The memoir explores five different themes: marriage, motherhood, business, longing, and creativity. You see me struggling with burnout. I sacrificed my career to ensure that my husband’s and his twin brother’s dream of starting this clothing company came true. It explores the journey for me in reclaiming what makes me feel alive and what are the consequences of that — not from a right or wrong perspective, but just watching my journey of what unfolds.
Liz Tenety: I’m curious how you would define the word “selfish.”
Kerry Docherty: I’ve come to define it as prioritizing the things that make me feel alive. It’s not necessarily about what makes me feel good, because sometimes we choose things that are maybe hard but we know in the long term will reward us. And for me, the most selfish act is unbridled creativity. I want to write about my life even though it might be painful for other people.
Liz Tenety: It’s radical to be as honest as you are in your memoir. Why was it important for you to not hold back?
Kerry Docherty: When I set out to write this book, I wasn’t trying to be subversive. I just said, “What if I wrote a book about what it’s like to be me?” That’s it. I want to write a book about what it’s like to be me, and I tell it honestly. I had to disassociate from the fact that people would read it, that people I loved would read it, that some of the things in this book do not make me likable.
Liz Tenety: Your memoir reveals intimate details about your emotional affair with a musician. Has your candour affected your marriage?
Kerry Docherty: I so wanted and craved a marriage where we could truly be exactly who we are in all of our messiness and still choose each other. And so this book in some ways has expanded the edges of our marriage in a way that is so much more beautiful, but it has also been a real calibration and painful process to get here.
Liz Tenety: How do you reconcile being a dutiful mom and being a woman with her own needs?
Kerry Docherty: One of the things that I’ve struggled with, but I hope that I’ve shown my kids, is that I am a mom and my job is to keep [them] safe. And also, I am an individual that has needs, and I’m not afraid to show them when some things are hard for me or not working or I need alone time or I just can’t do something because I feel depleted, and trying to give language to the kids around that.
Liz Tenety: What does selfishness look like in practice, as a mother?
Kerry Docherty: I’m really prioritizing myself. I know how I feel when I tend to my inner psyche and my emotional landscape. I’m talking about really tending to my inner psyche and my heart, making sure I journal, making sure I’m talking kindly to myself, making sure I’m in the community, making sure I’m giving out my gifts to the world.
Liz Tenety: How have you recalibrated your work life and how you think about motherhood in order to make space to be selfish?
Kerry Docherty: Writing this book and accessing my creativity was something that I prioritized. There have been sacrifices I’ve had to make. I’m not as much in the day-to-day of the operations of Faherty as I used to be, but it’s great because the company has grown, and so we have an amazing team that’s filled in the gaps. But there has had to be a recalibration of how I’m spending my time.
Liz Tenety: Do you feel like today you’re on the precipice of a new chapter in your life? And if so, what is that chapter about?
Kerry Docherty: The act of having it out in the world has felt very much like a new chapter for me. There are no more secrets. And there is something so liberating to be seen as exactly who I am and not having shame in it. I can’t tell you what it’s like. It’s a fascinating experiment.
Liz Tenety: What do you hope other women take away from this book?
Kerry Docherty: I hope this book sparks conversation. I hope it gives women permission to feel brave, to figure out what their needs are, and then to share them in whatever capacity that might be.
Liz Tenety: You write in the book that you want your tombstone to say, “Here lies a selfish woman,” for all eternity.
Kerry Docherty: I mean, my memoir is Selfish, so the word has stuck with me whatever the legacy may be.
Liz Tenety: What do you hope that the legacy of a selfish woman is?
Kerry Docherty: I think it’s a woman who chooses herself and does what she wants because she knows that her liberation depends on it.
Liz Tenety: At Motherly, we believe that motherhood brings out our superpowers. What do you see as yours?
Kerry Docherty: Truth-telling and being honest. Sometimes it’s disruptive and sometimes I don’t do it in the right way. But I feel like choosing a life that feels authentic to me has been a superpower for me.
Liz Tenety: What has surprised you most about being a mother?
Kerry Docherty: I don’t think I knew how physical it was going to be. The lifting, the wiping, the feeding, the act of keeping a child alive was so much harder than I thought. It should seem obvious, but I don’t think I prepped myself for how much tending I needed to do.
This interview has been edited and condensed for clarity. Listen to the full conversation on The Motherly Podcast.
